Pictures of You

Last weekend, we had family pictures taken, and a bunch of what will likely be really adorable photos of your brother Barrett. It was the first time we have had family pictures taken since saying goodbye to you.

I knew in the weeks leading up to our appointment it was going to be tough. Planning what we would all wear made me daydream about the dress and bow I would have chosen for you. I chose blue shirts untucked with khakis for the big boys and a cute blue seersucker onesie for B. Would you and I have chosen a different color or stuck with the blues?

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the “right” way to include you. Everything I thought of fell flat on its face. The truth is, nothing works as a way to include a child who should be here to love in person. In the end, we did some photos out by your tree and some including your photo upstairs.

It’s one of the many things that just doesn’t work like it is supposed to without you. As much as I will love the pictures once we have them, there will be something about them that doesn’t feel right. There will be something I won’t like about them, and that will be that you are not captured there smiling back, surrounded by the family that loves you more than words could ever express.

Your mom misses you and loves you more than ever baby girl –

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